What Makes A Home

The tiny details that made this a home.

The tiny details that made this a home.

It was the spirit of Mom’s home that made it a home, not the things, I’m realizing now.

In the weeks I stayed to take care of the cleaning, her home grew strange and beautiful to me. Before, it was neither, or had I simply failed to notice?

View from my bedroom.

View from my bedroom.

It was never my home. I would be reminded of this whenever Mom would kick me out. I can’t recall what used to make her so angry. Maybe it was that I wouldn’t come home sometimes, or she had found my stash. No one can scare the slut or pothead out of a daughter the way a mother can.

When I finally did, officially move out, it wasn’t because she was angry. Neither was I. I moved for no reason other than someone, a stranger, unbarred me from believing I had to stay. He freed me by reminding me that life was rushing by. I thought this stranger was Jesus at the time, a story I’ll save for a future post.

Mom stood at the door, pale as a ghost when I said goodbye. Maybe she knew it was for real that time. Her attempts to get me to move back after that made me sad, and I came close a few times, but tied roots down as quickly as I could to my new, close-enough-to-be-near, far-enough-to-do-my-own-thing-without-being-caught, judged or warned-about-my-evil-doings, home.

Mom and me, under the cherry blossom tree.

Mom and me, under the cherry blossom tree.

But I knew no matter what happened, I could always return. I could chance the impossible and land back at Mom’s if I failed. Regardless, I never took such chances.

What makes your home a home?

About clutterheart

You don't know me, but you will.
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